| Stinky Pinky: Or how to become a lesbian in 34 years | |||
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Friday, December 26, 2003 ( 6:44 PM ) Fat Bitch I've come to the conclusion that I was afraid to quit smoking. Afraid of giving up such a big part of my life. I LOVED to smoke. I still do...or would...if I hadn't quit. (October 16 and counting). I mean, I really loved it. But I've known for quite a long while that I NEEDED to quit. I needed to quit MORE than I loved smoking. So that's it. Now, the new year is upon us...and I have another fear to conquer. This is gonna sound sooo stupid. I'm afraid to be thin. Like I used to be. In high school. Right after high school.....up until I was a "working girl". That's when the weight started coming on. Of course, that's also when other symptoms of the PCOS started. And yes... I have PCOS...but that's not the only reason I am so heavy. Odd how my weight gain coincided with sleeping with men for money. Odd indeed. So...it's time. Time to not be afraid. I've spent too long being afraid of things. Time to drop this load I have been carrying. This load of guilt. Shame. Fear. About 100 pounds of all of the above. Yes...It's time. # Tuesday, December 16, 2003 ( 5:43 AM ) Fat Bitch I guess I haven't been writing much lately... AND, I guess I know the reason. I'm scared. I'm scared I'll overanalyze this thing with Cyn and fuck it up. I'm afraid I'll sit down and write and think and get too logical, or too critical, or too...me...and fuck up the (so far) best damned relationship I've ever been in. I even talked to Vivian in depth about everything yesterday. She agrees that Cyn seems pretty good for me. I know I'm happy. We have fun together, even though we still seem to tiptoe around each other at times. (See...I'm analyzing) I need to just let it be. Yeah right. # Thursday, December 11, 2003 ( 2:58 AM ) Fat Bitch I just read a quote that I think sums up the whole of humanity pretty darned well. Thank you Terry Pratchett. "Humanity lies somewhere between fallen angels and rising apes". # Wednesday, December 03, 2003 ( 5:31 AM ) Fat Bitch So much has been happening , and I keep intending on sitting down to write, (I swear)...but I just never seem to get the chance. What I will tell you is that... A. I am in love. Big time. B. My grandmother is making me nuts. C. I'm poor. D. I might not have a job for much longer. E. I'm thinking about dropping out of therapy. I'll fill ya'll in on the details on my next post. I swear. Of course, I'm not ALL that sure when that will be.... On a completely different note... My adorable buddy Carol is trying an experiment to see if anybody actually ever reads her BLOG. Eventually I plan on upgrading to Blogger Plus...and having a way to receive comments etc. But until then...I'm going to steal her idea. If you actually read this, be it one time perusing weird people's life stories...or are a regular reader, because you are hooked on my amazing adventures, please feel free to drop me a line at.... bloggermania@aol.com This could be fun !!!! # |
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