| Stinky Pinky: Or how to become a lesbian in 34 years | |||
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Tuesday, September 30, 2003 ( 5:38 AM ) Fat Bitch I have found it difficult to stop saying "we", when I actually mean "me". I'm not a "we" any more. # Sunday, September 28, 2003 ( 6:06 AM ) Fat Bitch Whitney's parting words..... " Be good....or at least make a concerted effort to try". I let her have the last word. I felt it only fair. I'll miss you my love....Be well # Wednesday, September 24, 2003 ( 3:55 PM ) Fat Bitch I hate it when other people are right. Well, okay...that's not altogether true. I hate it when other people are right and I am wrong...and I have to admit it. Cyn and I had a long discussion last night about me seeing Whitney today. This is the last day Whit and I will have any time together due to my work schedule, and she leaves Saturday. I told Cyn I wanted to see her afterwards. She said no. Oh, In addition to not liking being wrong...I also hate not getting my way. I want to see Cyn. She said no. She has valid reason. She says that my mind will not be completely with her. She says I need time to "decompress". I once told her that my main regret in our relationship thus far, has been that I had not been able to come to her fully and freely. And damned if she didn't remember that, and so very kindly remind me of my statement. And after tonight...and Saturday...I will be able to. I will be free to come to her on my own terms, and we will be free to "begin" our new life as a couple with no hindrances. No ties. So....the next time I see her will be the night she and I spend in New Orleans... A week from today. She says I need the time. I know she is right. I just don't have to like it. # Tuesday, September 23, 2003 ( 7:20 PM ) Fat Bitch The day quickly approaches. Whit leaves Sunday. Her mom and dad arrive on Friday, they pack the truck Saturday and then...I let her go. In all actuality I let her go a long time ago. Emotionally speaking. I was just too much of a coward to say the words. Go...I can't love you like you love me, and you can't love me the way I need to be loved. So... As of Sunday, Ladies and Gents....I'll be alone. Living alone. By myself. Just me. Here. EEEEK. # Tuesday, September 16, 2003 ( 5:24 PM ) Fat Bitch Well dammit... Cyn too good for me. I just know it. She's kind, polite, funny, spiritual, reserved, humble, and deeply caring. She is devoted to her family, independent, and well traveled. She is at peace with who she is. She is everything I ever wanted. Please, don't let me fuck this one up. # ( 5:18 PM ) Fat Bitch It's strange, being a visitor in my own home. Two weeks can't go by fast enough. I hate feeling that way. Guilt I guess. She must be going out of her mind...staying here day in and day out. Just waiting. Things are polite, but obviously strained. Two weeks...two weeks...two weeks.... # Monday, September 08, 2003 ( 11:53 PM ) Fat Bitch Packing continues...piece by piece. Memory by memory. No fighting, less crying....more laughing and comforting and remembering the reasons we lasted so long. I am going to miss her so much. But in my heart, I know it's for the best. For both of us. # Friday, September 05, 2003 ( 12:01 AM ) Fat Bitch Whitney said...... How am I ever going to stop loving you ? Oh God. Why does this have to hurt so much ? # Wednesday, September 03, 2003 ( 3:00 PM ) Fat Bitch So after leaving one woman, and expecting to bed another...my question is this: Is it rude to utilize the same sex toys? (washed and sterilized, of course) Or is that just too damed tacky? If I have to get new ones...how exactly does one dispose of a drawer of used dildoes? # ( 7:47 AM ) Fat Bitch I did it. I broke up with Whitney. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to done my life. And the easiest. So now it's all over but the packing. And crying. I still have some crying to do. I'm losing my best friend in the world. And........ when she finally gets her stuff together...and drives away into the night...I'm going to be alone. For the first time in my life. # Monday, September 01, 2003 ( 9:26 AM ) Fat Bitch Cyn is getting in. Dammit, I'm so stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID One good lay and I'm in lala land. Jeez...afterglow never lasts this long...It must be stress...or malaria. # |
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