| Stinky Pinky: Or how to become a lesbian in 34 years | |||
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003 ( 3:31 PM ) Fat Bitch For the second session in a row now, Vivian has cancelled. When I see her again, it will have been nearly two months since out last session. Given that fact, I feel relatively normal. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've had my moments. A couple of weeks ago, I woke up out of a dead sleep with the realization that I just don't care about anything. Nothing fucking matters. Where I live (here or Oklahoma), where I work, who I love (both friends and family), etc...just don't matter. How absolutely awful is that? To wake up...and realize that you just don't care. You have no emotions concerning anything at all. You are a total void, and a liar to boot. Oh I put up a good front, caring for my ailing grandmother, sending out cards and gifts, asking the right oh-so-concerned -about-you-and-your-feelings questions...etc.etc.etc. All of it...none of it matters. Is this BPD? Is this just who I am? I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. Sick, because I feel guilty about not caring? Or worse, sick because I'm not feeling guilty at all? # |
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